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This is About TV
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By l33t j03, Section Opinion & Editorials
Posted on Sun Jul 11, 2004 at 07:27:39 PM GMT
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Why are you reading this? There is probably something good on TV right now, and you're missing it.
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| It might not ever be on again, and you'll have missed it for all eternity. Everyone will be talking about how good it was and you'll feel like an idiot for not having seen it. There will also be some really good commercials that have never been shown before. Interesting commercials starring people who are doing cool things you wish you were doing. Some of them will even star stars, and those stars are going to say words that you want to hear.
That's right, ease away from these words and go watch some TV. It is much easier than reading anyway. That, and since you are paying for cable whatever time you spend not watching TV is just money wasted.
The people on TV are more fun that any of the people you know, infinitely more interesting, better looking for sure, and always have something witty or clever or deep to say. The people you meet in real life always drone on about boring shit. They stink. They have unsightly bulges all over. There is no way that any of your real life friends are going to measure up to your TV friends.
It is understandable that you won't be able to watch TV all the time, given that your employer has not seen the same light as your local eating establishment and hung TVs on all the walls for you to look at. You also have to sleep. Some things you can do during these 'down' times:
Read a magazine about TV. TV Guide, People, Time, Us, TV TV TV, TV is Great. All good examples of publications that keep 24 hour watch on what is going on in the lives of your TV friends.
Get one of those little TVs. The pocket sized ones. More popular are the ones that fit into the dashboard or headrest of your vehicle. These can deliver the wonderment of TV virtually anywhere you go.
Read web sites about TV. Many sites are totally devoted to keeping you up to date on the TV world, while many others seem to derive most of their content from TV in one way or another.
Listen to She Watch Channel Zero a lot. It will get you so mad because it insults TV that you'll want to go watch double your regular amount of TV just to show it who is boss.
So, enough time wasted, get your ass over to the TV and show it the attention it so richly deserves. |
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