I used to wake up at 6 or 7 am, take a pee and go back to sleep. Got up around ten or later if I felt like it. Got cleaned up and dressed and sat on my ass for a while. Went out to the PO and checked my mail if I felt like it. Came home and sat on my ass. Answered the mail I received three days before and sat on my ass. Checked the NGs and sat on my ass for a while. Watched a little TV and sat on my ass for a while. Had dinner and sat on my ass for a while. Watched some more TV and sat on my ass. Checked the NGs again and sat on my ass while I did it. Then to bed.
Next day same thing.

Now I have a life. I get up at 7 or 8 and do stuff. I go places and do more stuff. I make calls. I go for a walk and do more stuff. I come home and have dinner or go to my daughter's and have dinner. I come home and do more stuff and then go to bed and sleep.

I notice there is a funny feeling in my ass now. I never really felt my ass before. It was just there. Now I feel it. I have to scratch it sometimes. I am aware of it as a part of my body now. I do not want to think about my ass. I would rather sit on it and think about someone else's ass. Preferrably a female ass. I do still see some of those in my travels but I am busy and do not have the time to give them the close consideration they deserve.

I used to day dream a lot. I imagined getting laid. I imagined winning the lottery. (same odds) I imagined all sorts of neat stuff. Now I am doing some neat stuff. I don't have as much time to think about neat stuff any more. Now don't get me wrong. I like doing neat stuff. Especially with my family. But I kinda miss the imagining part. And I'm still not getting laid.

I find it very difficult to think about the good stuff like getting laid when I am around my daughter or her kids I come here and read posts. But I do not have time to respond to them. I never catch up just reading them.

Is this what they meant by "get a life"? I need to think about this. If I get the time I will. But this is the deep kind of thing you need to sit on your ass and think about and I don't have much ass sitting time. You can't rush this kind of thing. You must give it careful and very cautious thought. Maybe on Sunday. Oh yeah, I forgot. I have to go shopping and then I am going to some kind of party at my daughter's house with some friends of hers.

I almost got a chance to think earlier tonight but the phone rang. It was some lady I know. She is well and happy. She has quit smoking. And is getting exercise. She has gotten a hold on her self and is living a more healthy life. Her brother is staying with her for a few months which is making her very happy.

We had a long talk and I am very happy for her. She does not have much time to sit on her ass either. I should have asked her about that. Maybe next time. I think she wanted to get laid but I forgot to ask.

So what do you think? Will I get used to having a life? Will I continue to like it? Will my ass get firm from not being sat on? Is there a substitute for sitting on your ass that will keep it soft and flabby like it should be?

Come on guys. I need advice from you that are experienced "lifers". What should I do? Is there anything I should watch out for? I did notice a little tingle in my ass the other day. Was this a warning sign of something I should be worried about? Another thing. I remember back before I had a life.

Someone said if I got one I might meet a "woman" . What if I do? How should I respond? Do I talk to her? Do I keep the contact going? What if she likes me? Do I just jump her bones or is there something I have forgotten? And the most serious question of all. What if hell freezes over and I get laid? Can I still do it after almost 20 years? Will the Little Guy still be up to the job? Will it be a job, or might I just dabble in it like a hobby?

Now I've been reading posts and see threads about movies. It proves what I thought all along. You are all just kids. Do you really have a clue about what I am talking about? I mean you young whippersnappers dip your wicks every couple of days. Even you guys that aren't married. I shudder to think about what you married guys might be doing. I hear some of you actually get laid every night. My God, how do you stand the presure? How can I expect you to give advice to a guy that ain't been laid in almost 20 years?

I'm wasting my time with you kids. You always had a life so you can't know what it is like to not have one and then get one after so long. And I doubt you could even imagine not getting any for that long. You would probably sue for your constitutional rights for free nookie or something. Cruel and unusual punishment isn't it? Hell. This thing has gotten too long. I have put all you young punks to sleep with my rambling. Now it's past my bed time too.