Lunch was a big deal today. My boss and I took high profile client out and the guy is a notorious binge drinker. Kind of like me, except my consumption is steady rather than bingy. Most likely I was invited more for my drinking skills than anything else as I'm not even part of the project.
So I had like 6 glasses of bourbon and a martini and a beer. Lunch was very productive.
I get back to my office and the atmosphere of the workplace has completely changed. All of a sudden my coworkers were constanly bothering me about pointless bullshit that they should have been able to take care of on their own. Everyone acted like everything was an emergency, like I was supposed to drop my shit so I could dive in and help them. If they weren't standing in my office door like limp minded helpless slugs they were right next to me hollering into a cell phone or rustling papers or stomping up and down the hall. The copier had apparently sprung a spring because it made this loud whirring noise when it was activated. At first I thought the fire alarm was going off but it turned out to be that the asshole in the office next to me had somehow modified his phone ringer so he could hear it while he was outside smoking, I assume.
I went to get water. The guy sitting in the break room was breathing like he had a vaccuum cleaner stuck in his throat. When asked if he could tone it down some his response sounded like he had marbles in his mouth. His expression was one of unadulterated cluelessness. The water tasted like sand and had a similar consistency. Again with the fire alarm emulating phones.
Every single person in that office acted like they needed me to kick their asses. I had to go for a walk outside or I was going to oblige them.
What is the deal with people? They obviously know how to be tolerable human beings, as evidenced by their pre-lunch behavior, but in the time it took me to have a few drinks they reverted back to having paleolithic social skills? Every time I drink at lunch people start acting like assholes. A guy with a decent drunk on needs a little compassion, I can't be exposed to these hamburger fed dog-people.
Inspiration
