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What constitutes good porn?

cleavage
By Bold Marauder
from the trolling for linkies department, Section Ask a Spork
Posted on Tue Feb 24, 2004 at 08:29:52 PM GMT
The heat is climbing and my brains are frying. Right about now, I'm not up for playing dopewars or figuring out how to get my beowulf cluster of virtual MS-DOS boxes to run well. I want tunes, and I want porn.

The problem is, there's far too much out there!

dividing image



For years I've gotten by with just literotica and ascii porn; but I decided to step out of the comfy confines of my normal routine and see what I could find.

As you can see, I found a buttload of the stuff!!!1 I don't know where to start, in fact.

So, I'm turning to you, the community, and asking:

  1. what makes for good porn?
  2. what qualities do you look for in your online porn?
  3. Is there a legal way for the Olsen Twins Corporation to tap into the huge "celebrity fakes" scene once they turn 18 and make money off of "olsen twin fakes" sites -- without leaving a papertrail that could potentially hurt their wholesome image?
  4. What country has the best porn sites?
  5. How much time do you spend reading porn?
  6. Is this article over yet?
  7. How do you know when you've drank waaay too mcuh coffee?
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Poll
My favorite pr0n starlets are:
Brunette
Blonde
Bald
Living

Votes: 2
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
· Olsen
· literotica
· ascii porn
· see what I could find
· More on cleavage
· Also by Bold Marauder

Display: Sort:
What constitutes good porn? | 17 comments (17 topical, 0 hidden)
Good Porn?? that's easy (none / 0) (#13)
by handybundler on Wed Feb 25, 2004 at 02:47:51 PM GMT

It would obviously have ME in it!





So, what are you saying? (none / 0) (#14)
by Bold Marauder on Wed Feb 25, 2004 at 03:37:51 PM GMT

That this is your favorite porn site?

--
.-=Welcome to the Vaginal Grid=-.
[ Parent ]


What makes good porn (5.00 / 1) (#6)
by Marco on Wed Feb 25, 2004 at 06:04:24 AM GMT

Did you get the idea after reading my last story?

Anyway, here's what makes good porn:

  1. Good acting - actresses that won't just look on the camera and shout. They should do it in a convincing way, so we'll actually think they are enjoying it.
  2. Underssing - In many movies, they just cut the undressing part, which is very annoying. I enjoy seeing the actors kiss and touch each other before they get undressed - sometimes I enjoy it more than the rest of the movie.
  3. Touching and lust - In many porn flicks, the stupid male doesn't bother to touch the girl, and he just acts as a human pump. I really hate actors who act this way, and they should die. Touch the girl, damnit! Don't you like the tits?
  4. Not too many genitals closups (or preferably none). I hate genitals closups! I prefer seeing the expression on the girl's face while she's getting nailed.
  5. Respect - I don't like movies were they humilate the girl and cum on her face, and sadly that's how most movies end. I don't get it, why would you want to cum on her face? It's much nicer to cum inside her. I guess they think it's better for the movie. Idiots.

Hope that helps. ;)

- Marco



At the risk of turning this site into (5.00 / 1) (#8)
by Bold Marauder on Wed Feb 25, 2004 at 09:11:03 AM GMT

a news for pervs, stuff that's sticky site, I thought your article brought up some interesting questions (as did a recent post by Beef.

Regarding your fourth point, have you checked out either firegirls.com or suicidegirls? I heard about firegirls on K5 and it sounds like it might fit your criteria on a few different levels. suicide girls, I'm afraid, has gone right down the toilet (why did I mention it? it used to be worthwhile) and turned into some half-assed blog (from what I can see).

Both sites are pay sites, I don't know if that matters to you (given the scrutiny my credit card routinely gets, it matters a lot to me).

I agree about the genital shots, I think that's to reassure the people watching that "no, they're not just dry humping, they're really fucking. see? oh! they're still fucking. hey! look! they're still really fucking...etc"

As far as what I'd like to see in porn (and don't, so I don't watch it, well, that and the survellience) I'd say 'softcore porn that goes the rest of the way'. I love the production values, and the undressing and the focus on atmosphere (not something most pr0n outside of japan gets ) but then as you're turned on, they do something else.

That's the point we should get the genital shots. :-)

--
.-=Welcome to the Vaginal Grid=-.
[ Parent ]



Pay sites (none / 0) (#10)
by Marco on Wed Feb 25, 2004 at 12:09:43 PM GMT

Both sites are pay sites, I don't know if that matters to you (given the scrutiny my credit card routinely gets, it matters a lot to me).

Pay sites? Me? Never!
Why pay when there's KaZaA? I have everything there- I just need people to tell me what's worthes downloading.

And.. I'm still not sure genital closups are needed, although you probably didn't mean it seriously.

- Marco
[ Parent ]



Nope, not at all (none / 0) (#12)
by Bold Marauder on Wed Feb 25, 2004 at 12:49:18 PM GMT

I simply meant that instead of doing a soft-focus out, we should see the actors actually having the sex.

Can't help you with Kazaa, I'm afraid, I never have a lot of lucking finding things I like or want on it, so I have given up on. (that, and the fact that I'm stuck with 56k until they decide to offer DSL out here).

--
.-=Welcome to the Vaginal Grid=-.
[ Parent ]



Oh really. (3.00 / 2) (#7)
by cyborg monkey on Wed Feb 25, 2004 at 07:20:19 AM GMT

" I enjoy seeing the actors kiss and touch each other before they get undressed."

So, the animals you have sex with are initially wearing clothes?

[ Parent ]



Nope (none / 0) (#11)
by Marco on Wed Feb 25, 2004 at 12:13:53 PM GMT

So, the animals you have sex with are initially wearing clothes?

You're confusing between cyborgs and monkeys. See this this lovely thread from 2002 for more information.

- Marco
[ Parent ]



thanks for the link (none / 0) (#17)
by cyborg monkey on Fri Feb 27, 2004 at 01:27:18 PM GMT

that was quite entertaining.  I especially enjoyed BiscuitsNGravy's comments.  Wish that guy was still posting here.

[ Parent ]


Are you accusing Marco of (none / 0) (#9)
by Bold Marauder on Wed Feb 25, 2004 at 09:14:44 AM GMT

being swedish?

--
.-=Welcome to the Vaginal Grid=-.
[ Parent ]


Answer (none / 0) (#2)
by l33t j03 on Tue Feb 24, 2004 at 02:19:52 PM GMT

7. How do you know when you've drank waaay too mcuh coffee?

You are so full there is no room left for the Amaretto shot you forgot to put in the last cup.



Thanks to the catheter (none / 0) (#3)
by Bold Marauder on Tue Feb 24, 2004 at 03:42:01 PM GMT

I always have rooom for a second cup...

--
.-=Welcome to the Vaginal Grid=-.
[ Parent ]


just a small suggestion........ (5.00 / 1) (#1)
by xxxxxxxxxx on Tue Feb 24, 2004 at 02:11:15 PM GMT

Have you ever read anything by Laurel K. Hamilton????  She writes about a character who is a cop (female) who is having sex with humans, werewolves, vampires, etc.  It is not only a good read for the story, but it also has some very hot sex thrown in.  Her other characters in her novels are good too, one is a Fairy (not gay mind you but a real, fantasy, TinkerBell fairy!).  

They are some interesting reads.  I know there aren't any pictures, but geez, what was imagination invented for? ;-)

Try writing some of your own and post it, that would probably get some interest going around here.

Have fun on your quest!!



I will have to give her a read (none / 0) (#4)
by Bold Marauder on Tue Feb 24, 2004 at 04:13:04 PM GMT

mostly when I want to read, I go here. :)

--
.-=Welcome to the Vaginal Grid=-.
[ Parent ]


Not that I'm interested in the porn... (none / 0) (#15)
by Beef on Thu Feb 26, 2004 at 09:12:47 PM GMT

But I am curious.  Does asstr prevent you from using something like wget to bulk-retrieve the whole site?

I might be tempted to write a web mirroring client that grabbed files one-by-one at a slow rate, and pretended to be IE.  So you can mirror without the server thinking you're trying to mirror.

--
Be conservative in what you do. Be liberal in what you accept from others.
[ Parent ]



interesting little site......... (5.00 / 1) (#5)
by xxxxxxxxxx on Tue Feb 24, 2004 at 05:37:06 PM GMT

had never heard of it before. Which isn't unusual for me, I don't really read a lot on the web actually.

I tend to read in a comfortable chair or in bed with a cup of something hot (tea with brandy, coffee with Kaluha, etc).  Soon I will have a fireplace to read by........I am doing some design stuff to my house and that is taking up some of my time these days.  

Reading is good, no matter where and how you do it, via the internet, books, magazines, even comic books!  It has been proven as a way to fend off alzheimers.  Geeks should never get alzheimers, they read all the time.  ;-)

[ Parent ]



re: interesting little site......... (none / 0) (#16)
by Beef on Thu Feb 26, 2004 at 09:21:21 PM GMT

Check out the Naked in School stories at http://www.asstr.org/~NIS/

They aren't really sex stories (well, they are, but the sex isn't the focus of the stories, and a lot of them don't have much sex at all). Mostly it's an interesting thought experiment, and some of the authors take put a lot of philosophy into them.

I would have signed up for the Program when I was in high school. Then again, I used to run around naked in my backyard when I was 16, and I'm in no way shy about my body.

--
Be conservative in what you do. Be liberal in what you accept from others.
[ Parent ]



What constitutes good porn? | 17 comments (17 topical, 0 hidden)
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