My daughter is 12, a middle schooler. This is the year when they start growing up, start going to school dances, having boyfriends, realizing that they aren't little kids anymore. A loss like that is a hard blow.
The girl was 12 also, traveling with her mother from grocery shopping, hit head-on by a guy who was driving too fast, passed 3 cars on a solid line and had been drinking evidently. Damn Asshole! He is alive.
Sadness and grief are something you want to shelter your children from and cannot. I would do anything to make this go away. I would do anything to bring this child back. She was just a cool kid, very sweet, wicked sense of humor and very smart and well balanced. Damn shame, truly is, she had so much to offer the world.
I cannot comfort my daughter truthfully because this is one of those things that only time will bring a comfort, an acceptance, a coming to terms with a loss. For now I just have to watch her cry, and then try to be strong and talk about all the fun things they did. She has to go back to school on Monday and face the day without her friend who was in 3 of her classes and they had lunch together. They hung out a lot together and I know she will feel this loss for a very long time.
My daughter has already talked about going to the funeral or memorial service whichever they have and I agree that she should go. She is well acquainted with death and loss. Both Grandmothers, a Grandfather, 2 uncles, all in the last 6 years. That is a lot when you are 12. Too much in my way of looking at it, but it cannot be changed. She is a tough kid, well adjusted, she shows her emotions and knows she can talk about this til the cows come home if she needs to. It is just hard to know what to do. It hurts me too because I liked the kid a lot and so I let her know that it hurts me as well so she understands that its ok to feel pain and let it go.
Still, what I wouldn't give to change it, make it go away, have the child alive and at school on Monday to be there, as normal. This is just so far from normal that it feels nauseating.
Forgive the emotional stretch here, I just feel alot of things right now and mostly very inept at what to do to comfort my daughter. Parents don't get instructional booklets on how to be parents so you suffer through and sometimes it is so hard you really wish you had that book to refer to.
(UPDATE)
I have to add this because what I saw yesterday and the days before the funeral was just beautiful in its honesty.
All the kids from this girls grade were very hurt and in shock......they came together and were crying on each others shoulders, hugging one another, talking about it openly, their feelings, their pain, it was sad but it was good too because they were grieving openly and getting it out. I was awestruck.
I had dreaded the funeral and it was very sad, yet it was inspiriational that I saw a great deal of the life of a Mother and Daughter and how much they were each others life and without one or the other, life would have been too difficult for the one left behind. I saw a lives that touched others and were generous and caring even when they didn't really have it to give, they gave anyway, because they cared that much.
I am proud of my daughter and her classmates for the tributes they paid their freind at her funeral and at school in making her locker a memorial for this year and having a bulletin board of pictures of this girl and all the things she loved to do. I am proud of the things they wrote and read and cried over......because it was from the heart and they were able to verbalize and show their feelings. That is a beautiful thing and I am in awe and very proud of this group of kids. You hear so much negative about kids today but you don't hear about the beauty and the honesty that is there as well. I wanted to share that.
Inspiration
