"It has come to our attention that we own our intellectual property," said SCO spokesman Blake Stowell. "Because we own that property, and that property is intellectual, our lawyers have concluded that such terms extend to all things intellectual. As such, all thoughts are covered by our patent portfolio."
Patent attorney Richard Dixon added, "It is apparent that at least all technological advances for the past 30 or so years have been in violation of SCO's patents. Their IP porfolio is rock solid, and can stand up to anything. We intend to stick it not only to IBM, but everyone. People will understand the vigor and force of our pursuits."
The Ganter Group has already addmitted that they will subjugate themselves to the whims of SCO. "We are clearly in violation," said VP and research director George Weiss. "What we have done to SCO makes me feel drity."
Cackling of glee and malice could be heard for miles outside the headquarters of SCO. Small mammals and even insects have been fleeing the vicinity of the building for days now. The recent cricket incursions in the west have even been traced to the insects attempting to run from the litigations of SCO.
"We intend to rape the world," stated SCO president Darl McBride, while he checked an email from his broker selling off his company stocks. "We haven't had this much fun since Sontag brough in those crackwhores to the company meeting last year."
Inspiration
