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Christmas with Louise

big-butts
By xxxxxxxxxx
from the its beginning to look a lot like Christmas department, Section Complete and Total Nonsense
Posted on Sat Dec 06, 2003 at 07:46:30 PM GMT
Christmas With Louise"

 As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his  fireplace before Christmas.  He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill  them.  What they say about Santa checking his list twice must be true  because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were  overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

 

dividing image



One year I decided to make his dream come true.  I
put on my sunglasses  and went in search of an inflatable love doll.

They don't sell those  things at Wal-mart!  I had to go to an adult book store downtown.

  WARNING......If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll  only confuse yourself.  I was there an hour saying things like "What  does this do?", "You're kidding me!", and "Who would buy that?"

Finally,  I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard,uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my  truck, so I could use the carpool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I  wanted was difficult.  Love dolls come in many different models. The top  of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only  seen in a book on animal husbandry.

I settled on 'Lovable Louise."

She  was at the bottom of the price scale.  To call Louise a "doll" took a  huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old  bicycle
pump, Louise came to life.  My sister-in-law was in on the plan,  and let me into her home during the wee morning hours, long after Santa  Claus had come and gone.  I filled the dangling panty hose with Louise's  pliant legs and bottom.  I also ate some cookies and drank what remained  of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. Then, I went home, and giggled for a several hours.  

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa  had been  to his house, and left a present that had made him VERY happy.
 But it had left the dog rather confused.  She would bark, start to walk  away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise  should remain in her panty hose so the  rest of the family could admire  her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner. My  grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.  "What the  hell is that?" she asked.  My brother quickly explained,
  "It's a doll."
  "Who would play with something like that?"  Granny snapped.  I had  several candidates in mind, but quickly decided to keep my mouth shut.

 "Where are her clothes?"  Grann continued.  

"Boy, that turkey sure  smells good, Granny,"  Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining  room.   But Granny was relentless.  "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"
 Again, I could have answered, but why would I?  It was Christmas, and no  one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying,  "Hang on  Granny,
 Hang on!"  

My grandfather, a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up  to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"  I told him  she was Jay's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the  mantel, talking to Louise.   Not just talking, but actually flirting  with her.  It was then that we all realized this might be Grandpa's last  Christmas at home.

The dinner went well.  We made the usual small talk about who had died (or was dying), and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom every morning. Then she lurched right
out of the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.

The cat screamed I passed cranberry sauce thru my mose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscetation to the limp doll. My brother fell backward over his chair and wet his pants, and Granny threw down her napkin and stomped out of the room and went to sit in the
car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my Mother's garage, we conducted a thorough examnation to decide the cause of Louise's collapse.
 We discovred that Louise suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.  Fortunately thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.  Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. And I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the home.

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Christmas with Louise | 11 comments (10 topical, 0 hidden)
Translation to Engrish (5.00 / 3) (#8)
by Beef on Thu Dec 11, 2003 at 07:23:33 PM GMT

One year I had decided to make true that dream come. I put in place my sunglasses, kept seeking expansion possible lover shape.

Those do not sell those things in the Wal market! I must go to the book store of the adult of business quarters.

When never it is not at the store which under 18 years old you refuse warning......, you do not have to go. Only you yourself it confuses. Thing is this done? "Something which is done" the way as for me who am said it was 1 hour there, "me! "You tease, and that? "You buy or, someone"

Finally, I made that in the expansion possible doll section. In addition as for me it is possible to become substituting, as a passenger of my track/truck therefore as for me being standard can use the car pool lane between rush hour.

You thought that we would like to buy the doll which is not complicated. As for me as for those which you think that we want, finding it was difficult. Lover shape enters many the model which differs. I being seen in the book of animal raising, simply to do thing it is possible the top of the line which you follow on the side of the box.

I solved with lovely Louise.

She was on the bottom of the scale of price. It took the enormous jump of the imagination that Louise is called "the doll".

In Christmas eve, Louise came to life due to the help of the tire manual pump of the old bicycle. After as for my justice sisters Santa Claus comes to plan, doing it was, permitted me in her house between time of long wee morning. I filled up the pliant foot of Louise and the panty hose which dangles at the bottom. In addition as for me a certain cookie was eaten, those which remain drank the glass of the milk of the nearby plate. And, I went into the house, several hours laughed secretly.

In order, presently calling which Santa was in that house, makes remaining him very happy as for the next morning my sibling. But on the other hand being confused the dog, you went away that.
She returns and/or makes bark and it barks starts walking a little already. Louise, her panty hose therefore we should remain in remainder of the family when entirely those come because of former Christmas dinner, her you can praise us who agree. My grandmother the time her made walk to Louise with the door, you became aware. "Is that what? "She asked.
The doll where is my sibling "that it is explained directly.
That "" something where someone is that way you play? " The grandmother stopped. In me there was a candidate of some person with heart, but being done directly to the thing which maintains my mouth it tightened.

"Is the place her clothing which? "Grann continued.

"The boy, operating her in the dining room secure smell of that turkey it is good, the grandmother," you called Jay, try. But the grandmother was cruel.
"In her why is not the tooth which? The causing  to which "
For the second time, I answer why me it was not, but? That is Christmas, you did not think that everyone would like to ride the grandmother, with secret in the back section of proverb of the ambulance, "it catches! "

My grandfather, depending upon the fireplace, is exposed gallon which? Old person I whose very bad vision where "sidled, just a little it is said to me who am done", is pleasant called the fact that she is the friend of Jay to him.

I of several minutes later became aware in the grandfather due to the mantle piece which you speak to Louise. To speak with her exactly, but really flirting. As for that perhaps then this is last Christmas of the grandfather in the house, we completely the truth were to display.

Dinner went well. As for us suddenly Louise like my father of every morning bathroom, when the large quantity making the noise which is audible, (or dying) someone who dies, should kill, whether, usually concerning someone you chatted. Then she from the panty hose just around lurched and the room fell with two degree flying, and the accumulation before the sofa.

The cat shouted the clan who passes through my mose which transfers me the source very, the grandfather crossing the room, ran in order to say resuscetation to the soft doll, time started managing the, and the mouth in that knee. My sibling rear time the, soaked that pants in that chair, the grandmother threw under her napkin, walked boldly from the room, and sitting down in the car did.

Christmas which cherishes that, should remember completely was.

In order to decide the cause of collapse of Louise with the garage of my mother, we did complete examnation afterwards. As for us discovred from the burning pouring whose Louise is hot suffering from the back section of the theigh on her right. Even fortunately perfection healthily the tube tape, us she who is done as before was called with favor of the specific medicine. Louise continued the fact that star with the celibacy separation party movie just of the group of men. And as for me when he can come out of the house, you think of that the grandfather still calls her with anytime.

--
Be conservative in what you do. Be liberal in what you accept from others.



No, I'm sorry Dave... (5.00 / 1) (#11)
by Bold Marauder on Thu Dec 11, 2003 at 11:28:10 PM GMT

> One year I had decided to make true that dream come.

Classic invective, as expected from someone who lacks a logical argument.

> I put in place my sunglasses, kept seeking expansion possible lover shape.

Classic inappropriate analogy.

>
>
> Those do not sell those things in the Wal market!

How ironic.

> I must go to the book store of the adult of business quarters.

How ironic.

>
>
> When never it is not at the store which under 18 years old you refuse warning......, you do not have to go.

How ironic.

> Only you yourself it confuses.

Illogical.

> Thing is this done?

How ironic.

> "Something which is done" the way as for me who am said it was 1 hour there, "me!

Classic evasion of the point.

> "You tease, and that?

Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

> "You buy or, someone"
>
> Finally, I made that in the expansion possible doll section.

Classic inappropriate analogy.

> In addition as for me it is possible to become substituting, as a passenger of my track/truck therefore as for me being standard can use the car pool lane between rush hour.

You're erroneously presupposing that it's a fact.

>
>
> You thought that we would like to buy the doll which is not complicated.

Classic invective, as expected from someone who lacks a logical argument.

> As for me as for those which you think that we want, finding it was difficult.

How ironic.

> Lover shape enters many the model which differs.

Classic evasion of the point.

> I being seen in the book of animal raising, simply to do thing it is possible the top of the line which you follow on the side of the box.

Classic inappropriate analogy.

>
>
> I solved with lovely Louise.

Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

>
>
> She was on the bottom of the scale of price.

Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim, laced with invective, as expected from someone who lacks a logical argument.

> It took the enormous jump of the imagination that Louise is called "the doll".

Illogical.

>
>
> In Christmas eve, Louise came to life due to the help of the tire manual pump of the old bicycle.

Classic invective, as expected from someone who lacks a logical argument.

> After as for my justice sisters Santa Claus comes to plan, doing it was, permitted me in her house between time of long wee morning.

Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim, laced with invective, as expected from someone who lacks a logical argument.

> I filled up the pliant foot of Louise and the panty hose which dangles at the bottom.

Note: no Response.

> In addition as for me a certain cookie was eaten, those which remain drank the glass of the milk of the nearby plate.

Ambiguous.

> And, I went into the house, several hours laughed secretly.

Classic inappropriate analogy.

>
>
> In order, presently calling which Santa was in that house, makes remaining him very happy as for the next morning my sibling.

Classic invective, as expected from someone who lacks a logical argument.

> But on the other hand being confused the dog, you went away that.

Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

>
> She returns and/or makes bark and it barks starts walking a little already.

Non sequitur.

> Louise, her panty hose therefore we should remain in remainder of the family when entirely those come because of former Christmas dinner, her you can praise us who agree.

Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

> My grandmother the time her made walk to Louise with the door, you became aware.

Ambiguous.

> "Is that what?

Ambiguous.

> "She asked.

Classic pontification.

>
> The doll where is my sibling "that it is explained directly.

Illogical.

>
> That "" something where someone is that way you play?

Irrelevant.

> " The grandmother stopped.

Classic pontification.

> In me there was a candidate of some person with heart, but being done directly to the thing which maintains my mouth it tightened.

Note: no Response.

>
>
> "Is the place her clothing which?

Illogical.

> "Grann continued.

Classic lack of specificity.

>
>
> "The boy, operating her in the dining room secure smell of that turkey it is good, the grandmother," you called Jay, try.

You're erroneously presupposing that you are correct.

> But the grandmother was cruel.

You're erroneously presupposing that it's a fact.

>
> "In her why is not the tooth which?

Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

> The causing  to which "
> For the second time, I answer why me it was not, but?

Note: no Response.

> That is Christmas, you did not think that everyone would like to ride the grandmother, with secret in the back section of proverb of the ambulance, "it catches!

Liar.

> "
>
> My grandfather, depending upon the fireplace, is exposed gallon which?

Note: no Response.

> Old person I whose very bad vision where "sidled, just a little it is said to me who am done", is pleasant called the fact that she is the friend of Jay to him.

Classic evasion of the point.

>
>
> I of several minutes later became aware in the grandfather due to the mantle piece which you speak to Louise.

Classic lack of specificity.

> To speak with her exactly, but really flirting.

Classic invective, as expected from someone who lacks a logical argument.

> As for that perhaps then this is last Christmas of the grandfather in the house, we completely the truth were to display.

How ironic.

>
>
> Dinner went well.

Classic evasion of the point.

> As for us suddenly Louise like my father of every morning bathroom, when the large quantity making the noise which is audible, (or dying) someone who dies, should kill, whether, usually concerning someone you chatted.

You're erroneously presupposing that it's a fact.

> Then she from the panty hose just around lurched and the room fell with two degree flying, and the accumulation before the sofa.

How ironic.

>
>
> The cat shouted the clan who passes through my mose which transfers me the source very, the grandfather crossing the room, ran in order to say resuscetation to the soft doll, time started managing the, and the mouth in that knee.

Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

> My sibling rear time the, soaked that pants in that chair, the grandmother threw under her napkin, walked boldly from the room, and sitting down in the car did.

Ambiguous.

>
>
> Christmas which cherishes that, should remember completely was.

Classic lack of specificity.

>
>
> In order to decide the cause of collapse of Louise with the garage of my mother, we did complete examnation afterwards.

Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

> As for us discovred from the burning pouring whose Louise is hot suffering from the back section of the theigh on her right.

Irrelevant.

> Even fortunately perfection healthily the tube tape, us she who is done as before was called with favor of the specific medicine.

Classic erroneous presupposition.

> Louise continued the fact that star with the celibacy separation party movie just of the group of men.

Liar.

> And as for me when he can come out of the house, you think of that the grandfather still calls her with anytime.

Classic inconsistency.

>
>
>  

Classic invective, as expected from someone who lacks a logical argument.

--
.-=Welcome to the Vaginal Grid=-.
[ Parent ]



Well done! (5.00 / 1) (#9)
by xxxxxxxxxx on Thu Dec 11, 2003 at 07:28:46 PM GMT

n/t

[ Parent ]


The tool (5.00 / 2) (#10)
by Beef on Thu Dec 11, 2003 at 10:47:25 PM GMT

(actually, it just does an English-Japanese-English translation through babelfish)

http://pigeond.net/cgi-bin/english2engrish.pl

--
Be conservative in what you do. Be liberal in what you accept from others.
[ Parent ]



Damn funny stuff (5.00 / 1) (#7)
by haplopeart on Tue Dec 09, 2003 at 05:54:32 PM GMT

I was killing myself trying not to laugh to loud at work....
Bill "Haplo Peart" Dunn
Administrator Epithna.com
http://www.epithna.com



the whole time (5.00 / 4) (#3)
by handybundler on Sun Dec 07, 2003 at 08:24:58 AM GMT

i thought grandpa was going to get caught redhanded slipping Louise his elderly salami and die of a heart attack, all while having the cat stare at his genitals and you doing that cranberry sauce thing. Thus making it a Christmas you'd not soon forget.





TOOOO FUNNY!! (5.00 / 3) (#2)
by Reza on Sun Dec 07, 2003 at 05:20:45 AM GMT

I've seen/read this one before....but it's always worth a good laugh and a temporary mood improvement.

Thanks for the laughs!!



Yeah, its an (5.00 / 2) (#4)
by xxxxxxxxxx on Sun Dec 07, 2003 at 10:05:09 PM GMT

old one actually, but I like it as it sort of goes with that 'A Christmas Story' movie where the kid wants a Red Rider BB Rifle.  More realistic than the honey sweet trifle you sometimes get on holidays.  However, I would rather watch 'A Christmas Carol' the 1951 version a hundred times over and it is not a Christmas to me without it.

Today I watched 'The Bishops Wife' and 'Arsenic and Old Lace', both Cary Grant movies and I love them.  The holiday just wouldn't be the same without those two in particular to watch.  

This time of year there is a need to laugh more and to relax and enjoy what was and look forward to what will be.  I am a sentimental old fool, but I guess there are worse things to be. ;-)

[ Parent ]



My favorite Christmas movie (5.00 / 3) (#5)
by Beef on Mon Dec 08, 2003 at 12:17:50 AM GMT

is a British production they showed on the 80s PBS show Wonder Works.  It's called "The Box of Delights."  Takes place in 1930s England (don't all British productions take place in the 1930s?), where a schoolboy receives a magic box from an 800-year-old alchemist (with the elixir of life), and has to keep it safe from a gang of criminals who use the "new magic."  There's something about it that just gets me caught up in the whole story.  Check it out.

--
Be conservative in what you do. Be liberal in what you accept from others.
[ Parent ]



I will do that. (5.00 / 1) (#6)
by xxxxxxxxxx on Tue Dec 09, 2003 at 12:26:29 AM GMT

PBS does encore presentations, especially around the holidays, also there is a extensive list of movies on DVD and VHS you can get through PBS.  I will check to see if it is one of them.  You have me curious and I want to see it.

I rather like British movies, especially if they are about 1930's or 40's.  Very interesting era that, and very charming too. Makes a good time to do a story about Christmas in, sort of magical and still innocent.

[ Parent ]



Christmas with Louise | 11 comments (10 topical, 0 hidden)
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