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The Stromunist Manifesto

rants & raves
By Strom Thurmond
from the eat it, cunts - plagarism r00lz!! department, Section Opinion & Editorials
Posted on Sun Nov 09, 2003 at 10:55:54 AM GMT

The left wing of the ruling party has finally fielded a candidate with something to say. It had to happen. Howard Dean, unlike Rhodes Scholar (and mass murderer) Wesley Clark, has stood up to the plate, rolled up his sleeves and issued a challenge to all white Southerners and I for one, intend to rise to that challenge!

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Mr. Dean issued a call to me and my neighbors to stop basing our votes on "Race, guns, God and gays."

Now I must confess, I'm a very busy man. Supporting my family, other people's families, other people's wars, and sponsoring a mass migration across our borders keeps me jumping around. So I didn't really have time to read beyond the headline on Drudge where Dean's statement was reported.

However, unlike most Americans, I have actually read the constitution of the United States and since this country is a Republic, based upon rule of law, I can easily draw the appropriate conclusions and act upon them. After all, Mr. Dean is running for the highest executive office and hopes to swear an oath (on the Bible) to protect and uphold that constitution. His motives therefore, are obvious!

I don't think he likes the way the issues he mentioned are being addressed in the public arena. Nor do I. So I say, "Thank you Mr. Dean you've touched me deeply and now I shall respond to your challenge." I invite all my Southern neighbors and friends to join me in this pledge.

I promise the following.

Regarding Race: I promise never to pander to any racial minority, to hire or fire based upon race, to steal money from one race and give it to another. Nor will I support any college that has race-based entrance standards or any politician who uses race to enflame the passions of voters. I will treat every person I meet in exactly the same fashion, regardless of race. I will actively support the efforts of my church to reach out to folks throughout the world, regardless of race, with the wonderful message of God's saving grace.

Regarding guns: I promise never to shoot anyone except in self-defense. I will never carry a gun unless I feel I need to. I will never vote for any politician who suggests we should in any way limit the rights of the people to own or carry weapons. I will keep my guns clean and well oiled and I will consider anyone who attacks the second amendment of the constitution to be a traitor and scofflaw.

Regarding God: I will worship the Lord my God and honor Him in every way. I will oppose anyone who attempts to inhibit my right to do so. I will remember always that our laws were based originally upon the Ten Commandments and I will oppose any politician who attacks the Christian faith or in any way demeans those who practice that faith. I will pray regularly that God will fill our leaders with the desire to follow the constitutional dictates they have sworn to uphold. I will pray for the evangelization of the world, that all may be saved.

Regarding gays: I promise never to do anything to promote the radical homosexual rights movement nor will I support any politician who does so. I will avoid any media presentations or other manifestations of support for it.

Since Mr. Dean doesn't want me to base my vote just on these issues I'll add a couple more:

Regarding Abortion: I will never vote for nor support in any way, a politician or aspiring leader who believes it is lawful to murder unborn children. I will pray regularly that the Lord will free this country from the horror of that dreadful practice.

Regarding politicians: I promise I will never vote for any politician who has himself ever voted for a single unconstitutional law or ordinance. I shall in addition to this, actively support the prosecution of any politician or appointed official who does so. I realize that this limits my choices severely, but nevertheless, I shall endeavor to uphold this vow.

So there it is. Mr. Dean, I can only thank you for issuing this challenge. I invite you to join me in this pledge and I promise you that if you do, you will indeed win the Southern votes you want so badly and no doubt make your way to the White House. America has fallen on hard times since we abandoned these fundamental precepts but you and I, working together, can do something about it at last!

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The Stromunist Manifesto | 7 comments (7 topical, 0 hidden)
bummer... (none / 0) (#7)
by jesuetta machete on Wed Dec 24, 2003 at 06:57:22 AM GMT

Well, that's it.  The country's fucked.  Howard Dean doesn't have a prayer.  And as much as Dennis Kucinich is a cute little dirty hippie man, he's headed straight to nowhere.  It's so difficult to have youthful optimism when you're stuck in a world full of frightening right-wingers, and the only hope for the left is the Democratic party [i.e. dirty posers who are even less respectable than the Republicans]. Yeah, Al Gore was the last hope... that's so anticlimactic.  Where's Luke Skywalker when you need him?

Le sigh.



for the record (5.00 / 1) (#2)
by handybundler on Tue Nov 11, 2003 at 02:22:51 AM GMT

i have a bb gun. don't mess with it.





Well, (none / 0) (#3)
by Bold Marauder on Wed Nov 12, 2003 at 03:01:19 AM GMT

I have a bb pistol which doubles as a pellet gun

AND it's equally useless as both :-P

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.-=Welcome to the Vaginal Grid=-.
[ Parent ]



I, for one (none / 0) (#1)
by Bold Marauder on Sun Nov 09, 2003 at 05:51:42 AM GMT

whorsip our queer-eyed, Gun-free GNU/Overlords.

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.-=Welcome to the Vaginal Grid=-.


Gun-free?!?!??! (5.00 / 1) (#4)
by Beef on Wed Nov 12, 2003 at 07:02:47 PM GMT

What, like Arrogant Gas Baron?

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Be conservative in what you do. Be liberal in what you accept from others.
[ Parent ]



Not exactly... (5.00 / 1) (#5)
by Bold Marauder on Thu Nov 13, 2003 at 12:22:26 AM GMT



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.-=Welcome to the Vaginal Grid=-.
[ Parent ]


wasted again (5.00 / 1) (#6)
by handybundler on Fri Nov 14, 2003 at 04:41:05 AM GMT





[ Parent ]


The Stromunist Manifesto | 7 comments (7 topical, 0 hidden)
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