Twisting, turning, spiraling to its death on the ground, the seeds of life did fall. And with it came great wars between the forces of dark and light. In those times, known as the times that really sucked, there was a great need for a hero - a hero to deliver the people of the world from the arms of wretched terror.
As is the ways of things, many prophecies came to light in those confused times. Time after time, the prophecies failed until the people were totally crushed - turned to lifeless husks of mung.
Until one day...
Matilda was on her way to the market. A tasK she performed every so often, and often with glee, for she was none other than Matilda Spankypants. Now, one might hear her last name and think she to be a starlet in the pronography industry, but this was not the case. For you see, her last name was passed down for so many generations that no one understood why it was what it was. This said, Matilda did have a lovely ass, and as such it made for a very spankable surface, but alas, this has little to do with her purchasing of beef. In fact, her purchasing beef has damned near nothing to do with the story at hand.
So anyway, Matilda bought some beef. And as the cashier was calculating the cost of the beef, a strange thing happened. Call it fate, call it a miracle... perhaps the planets were in alignment, perhaps her shirt was just the right color to accentuate her eyes. Either way, the cash register sat there, calculating the price. It seems that the grade of beef she selected requried the use of Pi, and a natural log, as well as the square root of negative one, and the algorithm to determine the final price was not very good at rounding, so it sat there... calculating to the nth decimal.
Then, without warning, the cash register exploded.
Now, this may seem moot, were it not that the butcher was located immediately next door to Evil Inc., the foul bastards hell-bent on destroying the world. And to further the nonsense of the situation, the board room was adjacent to the checkout line. Thus, as the register approached critical mass and detonated, the entire Board of Wretched Bastards was killed in a fire cataclysm.
And the people did come and roast marshmallows in the flames of fried evil, and ate much cooked meat.
And beloved Matilda Spankypants was elected Queen of all Things Beef.
The End.
Inspiration
